I will often have these thoughts that I want to expound upon and reason out in writing, and then I get busy. Today I found a few minutes and so I'm going to write some of those thoughts out.
On Saturday Daniel and I spent the day in an adoption conference. We both enjoyed it and are still processing the information we gleaned from those sessions. And then yesterday my sister-in-law shared a thought that sort of dove tailed with something we heard on Saturday.
Thoughts from Saturday: Adoption is hard. Everything about our situation is a challenge. I am a type A sort of personality. I like control, rules, lists, plans, and most of all, I want things in order. One presenter from Saturday said she had a hard time with infertility because she was doing what she was supposed to. She was trying to earn her gold stars, but they never came. The disconnect was difficult. I can relate. One of the stages of grief is bargaining. That disconnect seems to fit right there, in the bargaining section. I have to admit I've been doing some of this lately. "Heavenly Father, tell me what I have to do to earn my reward." Yes, I think being able to have a family is a reward. But it's not working that way. And it is very hard and frustrating, to the point of tears some days.
A bit ago some woman had the audacity to write this article. Don't get me wrong, she is totally justified in feeling what she feels. But what about when just getting one child could ruin you? What if it cost you more than a car, just to get that first bundle of joy to worry about? Many of her arguments for the "flip-side" are felt by small families and families built through the struggles of infertility. Like Daniel said, as hard as it may be, you have something YOU can do about. We don't. Most of us. Daniel and I happen to have an answer, just no solution.
So then we are in the world of trying to build a family. Do you know how to have children when you can't have children? Adoption is one word. But there's more. How about marketing yourself? Did you have to have a marketing budget? Did you have to have an account at the bank titled "in case our life changes tomorrow fund?" Did you spend lots of time worrying if you enough or the right ones for the birth mother scanning profiles? Did you ever wonder if you had to change who you were so you could get picked? What if your true self is not enough? If you are enough, how can you get the right information in the right place at the right time? Were you worried about planning something 4 months out because your life could change with one phone call? We are in that situation. But nothing is coming. We are trying to live life as we have it, but with the little thought in the back of our minds that something might change. Hoping something might change. But it hasn't and as of right now it doesn't look that way. We just planned a dream trip for April and I'm torn up inside because I don't want to have the trouble that will come if we have to readjust everything. But I also want a call tomorrow that allows us to go the way of family building. What do you do when you want two good things that don't necessarily work together very well?
When my sister-in-law came over yesterday she was telling us about a Stake somewhere that had decided they wanted to be good missionaries through the internet. They assigned some people to write on a blog and some people to comment. Google does this thing where the more hits and comments, the more hits you get. Self fulfilling sort of thing. She suggested we ask a friend or family member on a rotating basis to leave an uplifting comment on each one of our posts. I'm happy to say that our post about Sushi on the adoption blog got 98 hits that day. Thank you to the people who shared it on facebook. Unfortunately, one instance of popularity won't cut it forever.
This is where I beg. We (maybe just me?) are a bundle of conflicted emotions. I'm asking for your courage and a few prayers. Will you pray for us that the right thing happens? It's hard to watch "the right things" happen for others and wonder if it is happening for us or will happen for us. I have nightly conversations with a legion of personal demons about that one. Send me your address and I'll mail you some cards with information about us. I'll share on facebook each time we post on the adoption blog and I ask that you take 5 seconds and share it, not just like it. If you have a minute and are feeling particularly generous, leave a comment. Friends and family are my best asset right now in our attempt to build a family. Maybe later when we win the lottery we can afford a bigger marketing budget, but right now my only budget allotment is time. And I seem to be running short on emotional energy to dedicate that time.
10.18.2013
Mummy dogs
I saw these on Pinterest this week and thought they would be fun. So Daniel and I made them for dinner tonight. I think they turned out pretty well. The two below are Daniel's. He did better than I did. They were yummy too. Halloween is so fun. I'm glad Daniel indulges me with little fun things like this.
9.27.2013
7.31.2013
A needed night out
My mom was fortunate enough to get 4 tickets to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Summer Evening of Music with Nathan Pacheco and Lindsey Stirling and as she is Guest Services Missionary (which means she attends all the Conference Center stuff as an usher) she let Daniel and I have 2 tickets, and my sister and her husband took the other 2.
We headed down to Salt Lake right after work and met my sister and her husband at Crown Burger. I just love my sister and we had a good catch up chat. We text now, more than chat, since her move to Provo. I suppose I'll forgive you Ben, for moving her away. My sister and I get along well.
So, the four of us headed over to the Conference Center. We had a good chat while until it got started. I was completely taken by surprise by how good Nathan Pacheco is and especially this song. I was sort of listening, getting settled in. Then the words got into my heart and I was crying before I knew what had hit me. This song is amazing. It's like my battle cry now. As soon as we got home from the concert, I bought his album on mp3. I have listened to this song 2 or 3 times a day since. I am still getting choked up when I listen. Turn the volume up and close your eyes.
The rest of the concert was great. I felt my soul fed by the spirit. Except when Lindsey Stirling was writhing about. That was hard to watch. But I suppose everybody has their thing. She was good and I was surprised she didn't mess up doing her thang up there. But good heavens, the prophet was watching. Be a little more modest.
I an grateful for those times when the Spirit pours into my heart and feeds me when I didn't know I was spiritually hungry.
I am also glad the we Mormons are such contributors to the artistic and musical worlds. We have talents among us and I'm grateful for those that have chosen and are able to share their gifts. I'm sure they never quite realize the good they do for any individual among the thousands listening.
We headed down to Salt Lake right after work and met my sister and her husband at Crown Burger. I just love my sister and we had a good catch up chat. We text now, more than chat, since her move to Provo. I suppose I'll forgive you Ben, for moving her away. My sister and I get along well.
So, the four of us headed over to the Conference Center. We had a good chat while until it got started. I was completely taken by surprise by how good Nathan Pacheco is and especially this song. I was sort of listening, getting settled in. Then the words got into my heart and I was crying before I knew what had hit me. This song is amazing. It's like my battle cry now. As soon as we got home from the concert, I bought his album on mp3. I have listened to this song 2 or 3 times a day since. I am still getting choked up when I listen. Turn the volume up and close your eyes.
The rest of the concert was great. I felt my soul fed by the spirit. Except when Lindsey Stirling was writhing about. That was hard to watch. But I suppose everybody has their thing. She was good and I was surprised she didn't mess up doing her thang up there. But good heavens, the prophet was watching. Be a little more modest.
I an grateful for those times when the Spirit pours into my heart and feeds me when I didn't know I was spiritually hungry.
I am also glad the we Mormons are such contributors to the artistic and musical worlds. We have talents among us and I'm grateful for those that have chosen and are able to share their gifts. I'm sure they never quite realize the good they do for any individual among the thousands listening.
6.08.2013
Gardens
After 2 springs and summers of no garden, and more specifically fresh tomatoes, we thought it was time take gardening seriously. So we did. I am so excited about my garden.
We started with railroad ties and lots of dirt!
8 railroad ties. And Oh. My. Gosh they are heavy. We found out that some of them are made of oak. There was one that I swear weighed over 100 pounds. Bruised my arm trying to move one of them.
We put down a layer that will keep the weeds from coming up in my garden.
Strong Daniel!
Conference weekend we had 2 trucks get 2 loads each. It was lots of dirt!
Our new garden is 9 ft by 18 ft.
Yard work is hard for a dog.
Then came the produce. And the fence. My dogs are diggers and thieves. Winston likes to eat my food. So we put up a fence. It still needs a real gate. Right now the opening is blocked with tomato cages.
I've got Chinese eggplant, beats, Anaheim peppers, and peas.
And all my tomatoes! I got a tomatillo also. We have: Sweet 100 Cherry Tomatoes, Black Krim, Great White, German Johnson, Lemon Boys and Celebrity. It's going to be a yummy August! There's nothing like a home grown Utah tomato.
We started with railroad ties and lots of dirt!
We put down a layer that will keep the weeds from coming up in my garden.
Our new garden is 9 ft by 18 ft.
4.29.2013
And We're live....
Our adoption profile is live and active and available for the choosing.
View it here. Our blog, that we are posting to weekly, is here. Pass along cards to come this summer. (Daniel is very busy at work right now and we don't want to overwhelm ourselves.) Please feel free to link one or both.
One thing that I end up telling to just about everyone we talk to about adoption, is that we don't wait to get picked. It's like online dating. We have a certain set of criteria and depending on what the birth mother's conditions are and what she is desiring in a family, it can match us up.
The more important part: is looking. Those who get placed with sooner are those out pounding the pavement. Statistically LDS Family Services has 3 couples hoping to adopt for every baby they place. Odds are against us. Those who get placed with quickly have some 3rd party connection, most of the time. It will be one of you, my friends, family, readers, who helps us out. The trust when someone you know says to you, "I'm sorry you are in such a rough situation, have you considered placing for adoption? My good friends...." is higher than "I found this couple on the internet." Every one referring us will get us there sooner.
You know how God has said to us that we need to do, act, and move on it? This is exactly where we need you. Daniel and I are only 2 bodies. We only know so many people. But all of the people we know combined with all of the people they know, is monumentally more influential. Good things come to those who wait. Better things are found by those who go looking and work hard. So we are starting our search. It's a little scary, I have to be honest. But it's the good kind of scary. Like a roller coaster ride that gives you a thrill. Like getting married is something you've not done before, so it's uncharted waters, but the best kind of adventure lies waiting. Our greatest adventure is yet to come and is just beyond our reach. Can you help us reach it?
Once I have pass-a-long cards ready, I'll ask for addresses so I can send some to you all. and you can give them out. Let's do this thing!!
Thanks!
View it here. Our blog, that we are posting to weekly, is here. Pass along cards to come this summer. (Daniel is very busy at work right now and we don't want to overwhelm ourselves.) Please feel free to link one or both.
One thing that I end up telling to just about everyone we talk to about adoption, is that we don't wait to get picked. It's like online dating. We have a certain set of criteria and depending on what the birth mother's conditions are and what she is desiring in a family, it can match us up.
The more important part: is looking. Those who get placed with sooner are those out pounding the pavement. Statistically LDS Family Services has 3 couples hoping to adopt for every baby they place. Odds are against us. Those who get placed with quickly have some 3rd party connection, most of the time. It will be one of you, my friends, family, readers, who helps us out. The trust when someone you know says to you, "I'm sorry you are in such a rough situation, have you considered placing for adoption? My good friends...." is higher than "I found this couple on the internet." Every one referring us will get us there sooner.
You know how God has said to us that we need to do, act, and move on it? This is exactly where we need you. Daniel and I are only 2 bodies. We only know so many people. But all of the people we know combined with all of the people they know, is monumentally more influential. Good things come to those who wait. Better things are found by those who go looking and work hard. So we are starting our search. It's a little scary, I have to be honest. But it's the good kind of scary. Like a roller coaster ride that gives you a thrill. Like getting married is something you've not done before, so it's uncharted waters, but the best kind of adventure lies waiting. Our greatest adventure is yet to come and is just beyond our reach. Can you help us reach it?
Once I have pass-a-long cards ready, I'll ask for addresses so I can send some to you all. and you can give them out. Let's do this thing!!
Thanks!
4.24.2013
Two years later...
*I wrote this post 2 weeks ago and failed to add pictures. So I'm just going to post it.
Last night I asked Daniel if he could find out the future (conditions: you can choose what to find out, future is fixed) if he would choose to do so. He said yes. I think I would also. But I don't know for sure. I guess the answer doesn't really matter, as that's not something in our control anyway. He asked me what prompted that question. We often discuss random things like this. The prompt this time was that on April 10 it will be 2 years to the day since we left to live in China for 19 months. We knew it would be a 2 year thing when considering the time to get ready to move and the time to adjust after moving home. And it's still going. Daniel will make another 2 or 3 trips this year. Most of it done before the middle of June. He's still racking up miles. I asked him if he could have guessed the ways those 2 years would have affected us.
We knew the time there would change our lives. Some of the things we did as well as some of the things that occurred out of our control. One of the biggest changes was in loosing my father. When we left he was as healthy as he had been in the years previous, considering his health problems, and happy. I didn't know that when I left their house on April 9, 2011, that would be the last time I would see my father unaffected by everything. Would I go back and say goodbye differently? I don't think so. I said I love you and gave my family a hug. Would I choose to not go to China? I don't know on that either. I did talk to him lots while we were gone. But my sister pointed out how hard it was to see my dad being different and slowly declining as his illness progressed. Her good memories were being pushed back and making way for the current circumstances. I didn't have the particular battle. But I would have loved to have spent more time with him, of course. But I'm glad we had a good relationship. I'm also grateful that the company had an internet phone that was an 801 number with which I could talk to my family and friends in Utah without incurring any expense. Thank goodness for modern technology.
Other things? There were many lessons learned. I remember saying to Daniel about a month after got there that I knew we would miss the people there. I knew after just a few weeks that our lives had changed forever. The sweetest lesson we learned was that all people are children of God. Good people are everywhere. Being Chinese meant your language, looks and culture was different, but that you are also a human being. We met some amazing people.
A few of my best friends: Yimi and her now husband Stuart. Fantastic people. We met Yimi the day after we got to China. And the friendship grew from that point. As she was the last one I said goodbye to, I turned to Daniel after she left our apartment and cried for a few minutes. It was such a tearful goodbye because I know it will be a long time, a very long time, before I can see her again. It may be years. After seeing and talking to her so much on such a regular basis, this separation was hard.
Molly. She is the sweetest. She was my shopping buddy. I have never seen someone bargain quite like her. She also has a good work ethic and a penchant for honesty. She was frank in a way that was endearing. She was raised by a Buddhist mother and Christian father. She said she liked Christianity but could not tell her mom, because she didn't want to offend her. We had talks about what she believed, and I could talk broadly about my basic ideas, like chastity, honesty and principles to live by, but no doctrine. That girl is ready for the gospel.
Selena. The helper of all helpers. Sometimes her helpfulness was interesting, but it was always sincere and out of love. She is Daniel's designated assistant at Lifetime China. Anytime I needed help, she was one of my go-to girls. She gave me a very nice comb when we left. It's a traditional gift. When I got back to China after my dad died (pretty much made the flight as a zombie...) she insisted on coming to the airport with Daniel to meet me there, give me a hug and then go home to bed. I landed at midnight. She ended up staying the night with a friend near the airport. I saw her for all of 8 minutes. But she greeted me with a hug, a couple of lilies and a smile of compassion. Then we dropped her off on our way home.
All this is making me teary eyed as I type it. I miss these girls so much. If I could I would bring them all home and get them jobs here. Yimi would make a great Chinese teacher. She did teach us some and tutor us for the first summer. Her college degree is in teaching Chinese as a second language. Funny thing, Mandarin is her second language. Her local dialect is so far from Mandarin, it's a different language. She learned it in school, but did not become proficient until college, when she had to. So smart.
Yimi and Selena have both been to Utah, but Molly is yet to come. When she comes I am going to greet her with a Book of Mormon in English and Mandarin and a written copy of my testimony.
Other lessons: It will all work out. Every thing was an adventure. Going to the grocery store was an outing worth writing up. If you followed my blog then you saw that. It was fun. It was culturally exhausting. I can't even explain that to someone who has not lived outside of the country for very long. There is a tiredness that I don't know how to explain. It made coming home for visits all the sweeter. But knowing that it was an adventure, you had to have your adventure hat on. Take it as fun and let things go. You will enjoy it more. It was even easier to do that once the Kleins came. Matt was so excited about everything and Caroline was so easy going. They were perfect companions for our last 6 months. I swear I only survived because I had a friend that was available almost as much as I was bored. We had good times. They are now lifelong friends, who fortunately, came home to America with us. We like to get together with them still.
Make it happen. My mom mentioned to me that I was more forward after 1 year in China. She wasn't sure if she liked it. I think I see now what she saw. But I'm okay with that. People don't scare me anymore. We had to be assertive and make something happen if we wanted to do it. I guess I almost got kind of pushy. That has tamed a little since moving home, but it's still there. It comes in handy at work in the law office.
Personal space. What's that? If you have known me for very long, you would know that I like my personal space to be big and uninvaded. "No touchy." But when you live in a country with over a billion people, you have to adjust. Our "little" city island had 4 million people on the island. I'll say this: Costco on the day before the Super Bowl does not scare me anymore. Walmart on Black Friday? Welcome to my weekend shopping in China. Disneyland? I've seen more Asians in a walk around the black. Hah. My bubble has shrunk to the size of watermelon in front of my face. That's in. It might be growing again, now I'm back in the land of space. I learned that touching another human being won't hurt me. Or I would have died 100 times over in China.
Adventure: take the chance. I now feel like I could go to any where in the world and survive. Daniel and I navigated Hong Kong, Tokyo, Shanghai, Phuket and Siem Reap on our own. We are good to go. My first trip outside of America was to Italy in 1999. I want to go back. My time overseas has given me the confidence to go to Europe, or anywhere else almost, on my own, with no tour. Some places are just plan dangerous and shouldn't be visited anyway. Hopefully we get to do that someday. Guide books, the internet and the broken English of others will help. Also, a few broken words of the language of your chosen adventure helps.
This world is amazing. There are so many places to see and experience, no one person could see them all. I am grateful for all that I did see and I hope to see many more great things. But everywhere is special in it's own right.
Explore. Go off the beaten path. Take the side street and see what happens. Some of my favorite things happened on out of the way paths or the little villages away from the city.
I remember Sister Hinckley saying in an interview years ago, "People are good. People everywhere are basically good." I believe something like that, was what she said in a video interview. I remembered that as I met people all over the world. I hope I get to meet more good people as I travel and live life.
So China, in a nutshell has changed my life, myself and Daniel, forever. hopefully for the better. We sure are grateful we got the chance. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Well, maybe two. We need to be home for awhile.
Last night I asked Daniel if he could find out the future (conditions: you can choose what to find out, future is fixed) if he would choose to do so. He said yes. I think I would also. But I don't know for sure. I guess the answer doesn't really matter, as that's not something in our control anyway. He asked me what prompted that question. We often discuss random things like this. The prompt this time was that on April 10 it will be 2 years to the day since we left to live in China for 19 months. We knew it would be a 2 year thing when considering the time to get ready to move and the time to adjust after moving home. And it's still going. Daniel will make another 2 or 3 trips this year. Most of it done before the middle of June. He's still racking up miles. I asked him if he could have guessed the ways those 2 years would have affected us.
We knew the time there would change our lives. Some of the things we did as well as some of the things that occurred out of our control. One of the biggest changes was in loosing my father. When we left he was as healthy as he had been in the years previous, considering his health problems, and happy. I didn't know that when I left their house on April 9, 2011, that would be the last time I would see my father unaffected by everything. Would I go back and say goodbye differently? I don't think so. I said I love you and gave my family a hug. Would I choose to not go to China? I don't know on that either. I did talk to him lots while we were gone. But my sister pointed out how hard it was to see my dad being different and slowly declining as his illness progressed. Her good memories were being pushed back and making way for the current circumstances. I didn't have the particular battle. But I would have loved to have spent more time with him, of course. But I'm glad we had a good relationship. I'm also grateful that the company had an internet phone that was an 801 number with which I could talk to my family and friends in Utah without incurring any expense. Thank goodness for modern technology.
Other things? There were many lessons learned. I remember saying to Daniel about a month after got there that I knew we would miss the people there. I knew after just a few weeks that our lives had changed forever. The sweetest lesson we learned was that all people are children of God. Good people are everywhere. Being Chinese meant your language, looks and culture was different, but that you are also a human being. We met some amazing people.
A few of my best friends: Yimi and her now husband Stuart. Fantastic people. We met Yimi the day after we got to China. And the friendship grew from that point. As she was the last one I said goodbye to, I turned to Daniel after she left our apartment and cried for a few minutes. It was such a tearful goodbye because I know it will be a long time, a very long time, before I can see her again. It may be years. After seeing and talking to her so much on such a regular basis, this separation was hard.
Molly. She is the sweetest. She was my shopping buddy. I have never seen someone bargain quite like her. She also has a good work ethic and a penchant for honesty. She was frank in a way that was endearing. She was raised by a Buddhist mother and Christian father. She said she liked Christianity but could not tell her mom, because she didn't want to offend her. We had talks about what she believed, and I could talk broadly about my basic ideas, like chastity, honesty and principles to live by, but no doctrine. That girl is ready for the gospel.
Selena. The helper of all helpers. Sometimes her helpfulness was interesting, but it was always sincere and out of love. She is Daniel's designated assistant at Lifetime China. Anytime I needed help, she was one of my go-to girls. She gave me a very nice comb when we left. It's a traditional gift. When I got back to China after my dad died (pretty much made the flight as a zombie...) she insisted on coming to the airport with Daniel to meet me there, give me a hug and then go home to bed. I landed at midnight. She ended up staying the night with a friend near the airport. I saw her for all of 8 minutes. But she greeted me with a hug, a couple of lilies and a smile of compassion. Then we dropped her off on our way home.
All this is making me teary eyed as I type it. I miss these girls so much. If I could I would bring them all home and get them jobs here. Yimi would make a great Chinese teacher. She did teach us some and tutor us for the first summer. Her college degree is in teaching Chinese as a second language. Funny thing, Mandarin is her second language. Her local dialect is so far from Mandarin, it's a different language. She learned it in school, but did not become proficient until college, when she had to. So smart.
Yimi and Selena have both been to Utah, but Molly is yet to come. When she comes I am going to greet her with a Book of Mormon in English and Mandarin and a written copy of my testimony.
Other lessons: It will all work out. Every thing was an adventure. Going to the grocery store was an outing worth writing up. If you followed my blog then you saw that. It was fun. It was culturally exhausting. I can't even explain that to someone who has not lived outside of the country for very long. There is a tiredness that I don't know how to explain. It made coming home for visits all the sweeter. But knowing that it was an adventure, you had to have your adventure hat on. Take it as fun and let things go. You will enjoy it more. It was even easier to do that once the Kleins came. Matt was so excited about everything and Caroline was so easy going. They were perfect companions for our last 6 months. I swear I only survived because I had a friend that was available almost as much as I was bored. We had good times. They are now lifelong friends, who fortunately, came home to America with us. We like to get together with them still.
Make it happen. My mom mentioned to me that I was more forward after 1 year in China. She wasn't sure if she liked it. I think I see now what she saw. But I'm okay with that. People don't scare me anymore. We had to be assertive and make something happen if we wanted to do it. I guess I almost got kind of pushy. That has tamed a little since moving home, but it's still there. It comes in handy at work in the law office.
Personal space. What's that? If you have known me for very long, you would know that I like my personal space to be big and uninvaded. "No touchy." But when you live in a country with over a billion people, you have to adjust. Our "little" city island had 4 million people on the island. I'll say this: Costco on the day before the Super Bowl does not scare me anymore. Walmart on Black Friday? Welcome to my weekend shopping in China. Disneyland? I've seen more Asians in a walk around the black. Hah. My bubble has shrunk to the size of watermelon in front of my face. That's in. It might be growing again, now I'm back in the land of space. I learned that touching another human being won't hurt me. Or I would have died 100 times over in China.
Adventure: take the chance. I now feel like I could go to any where in the world and survive. Daniel and I navigated Hong Kong, Tokyo, Shanghai, Phuket and Siem Reap on our own. We are good to go. My first trip outside of America was to Italy in 1999. I want to go back. My time overseas has given me the confidence to go to Europe, or anywhere else almost, on my own, with no tour. Some places are just plan dangerous and shouldn't be visited anyway. Hopefully we get to do that someday. Guide books, the internet and the broken English of others will help. Also, a few broken words of the language of your chosen adventure helps.
This world is amazing. There are so many places to see and experience, no one person could see them all. I am grateful for all that I did see and I hope to see many more great things. But everywhere is special in it's own right.
Explore. Go off the beaten path. Take the side street and see what happens. Some of my favorite things happened on out of the way paths or the little villages away from the city.
I remember Sister Hinckley saying in an interview years ago, "People are good. People everywhere are basically good." I believe something like that, was what she said in a video interview. I remembered that as I met people all over the world. I hope I get to meet more good people as I travel and live life.
So China, in a nutshell has changed my life, myself and Daniel, forever. hopefully for the better. We sure are grateful we got the chance. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Well, maybe two. We need to be home for awhile.
3.30.2013
Public Defenders
As in my previous post, these thoughts come from working for an attorney who does some public defender work in our court system.
I've been questioned, and used to question it myself, how someone could defend the guy who really did it. Defend their sin? No. Defend their rights? Yes. It's not about saying they didn't do it or that they don't deserve to be punished. It's about making sure they are treated fairly by our system - put in place for fairness - and that the course of action chosen, leads to something better in the future.
One of the criminal clients had a family member visit recently and talk to one of the attorneys. I tried not to listen, but I did catch things like - "That will give him hope;" "That will keep the end in sight;" "Then maybe he can get some help." That's what it's about. Our system is not just supposed to punish, but ideally it can help to rehabilitate and redeem.
Wouldn't you hope that when someone is released down the road, that some program or some kindness shown to them helps them be a better person? That is why everyone gets a lawyer appointed to them should the choose, and why criminals get defended.
I've been questioned, and used to question it myself, how someone could defend the guy who really did it. Defend their sin? No. Defend their rights? Yes. It's not about saying they didn't do it or that they don't deserve to be punished. It's about making sure they are treated fairly by our system - put in place for fairness - and that the course of action chosen, leads to something better in the future.
One of the criminal clients had a family member visit recently and talk to one of the attorneys. I tried not to listen, but I did catch things like - "That will give him hope;" "That will keep the end in sight;" "Then maybe he can get some help." That's what it's about. Our system is not just supposed to punish, but ideally it can help to rehabilitate and redeem.
Wouldn't you hope that when someone is released down the road, that some program or some kindness shown to them helps them be a better person? That is why everyone gets a lawyer appointed to them should the choose, and why criminals get defended.
3.28.2013
Battles
Recently at work I've paid a bit more attention to some of the things that come across my desk. I don't like to read specifics. I like plausible deniability. But I often know what the general case is: criminal, abuse, divorce, immigration, bankruptcy, etc. One of the attorneys is a public defender and sees all kinds of things. Some of our clients are the victims and some are the accused perpetrators. There are some lessons that I have learned more fully while working for attorneys at law.
Divorce. It almost always comes down to selfishness. You can take almost any problem out there and some sort of selfishness is at the bottom of it. If we were all more selfless and charitable, so many problems would cease.
Immigration - needs reform. Oh. My. Gosh. Good grief. Help there please. I don't even know where to start. It's an expensive, sometimes ridiculous process. We need immigrants to do it legally, but for heaven's sake let's not keep it the seven ring circus it currently is. Oh, and if you want to be here, obeying the law is a good place to start.
Bankruptcy. Don't spend money you don't have. If you are doing fine and you loose your job or your company goes under, I am so glad there is a system in place to help you. Pay day loans are predatory and you can do without 90% of what you have if you are...wait for it....less selfish. Also - don't steal money people. 'nuff said.
Criminal and public defender. This world needs kindness. Pray for those who have situations in the courts of law. I hope I never need an attorney for more than finalizing an adoption. I'm so glad there are attorneys, but the needs can be varied and often very sad.
With all that said, when a new client or potential client walks in, I have no idea what their needs are, what the individual situation is, or on which side of the argument they stand. Maybe they are the crazy one, maybe they are dealing with the crazy one. But each person is human. Even the guy who did something he shouldn't. They are all loved of God, or at least in the beginning. Let's not get into child abuse. Ick.
I had one guy come in who looked like the 7-years-in-federal-prison-tattoed-guy that he was. However, he is nice. He has always been polite and respectful towards us. He and his wife are trying to start again and build something better. I don't know what he was in jail for. It's none of my business. He wore the scars of his 30 short years on his face. Literally. (By the way -don't tattoo your face. Please?) He's been a good hard worker trying to provide since his release. One day when he came in I looked at him and thought "when he was born, his parents had no idea which way he'd go. They never would have hoped for such a life for their son." But things happen and plans go awry.
There are people whose burdens cannot be seen and some whose burdens are easily seen. Like the poor guy who filed bankruptcy and divorce in the same week, then sent in his brother, in the same situation. My heart goes out to them. What a rough hand they've been dealt. But God loves them. Thank goodness because at this point that may be all they have.
The bottom line here is don't judge a book by it's cover. Some names that have come across my desk I know or their relatives I know from outside of work and I had no idea they were even connected with a struggle. Sometimes they just need a smile. The brothers I referred to earlier? The first sent the second here because we were helpful and nice. Yay for that.
So you know that poster/meme/whatever going around that says everyone has a struggle we can't see? It's so true. Kindness won't solve the problem, but it will help those who are struggling to have that tiny bit of hope. And we need hope and love. Which is why I'm glad I work where I work. I hope through all this I'm learning better charity for God's children.
Thanks for listening.
Divorce. It almost always comes down to selfishness. You can take almost any problem out there and some sort of selfishness is at the bottom of it. If we were all more selfless and charitable, so many problems would cease.
Immigration - needs reform. Oh. My. Gosh. Good grief. Help there please. I don't even know where to start. It's an expensive, sometimes ridiculous process. We need immigrants to do it legally, but for heaven's sake let's not keep it the seven ring circus it currently is. Oh, and if you want to be here, obeying the law is a good place to start.
Bankruptcy. Don't spend money you don't have. If you are doing fine and you loose your job or your company goes under, I am so glad there is a system in place to help you. Pay day loans are predatory and you can do without 90% of what you have if you are...wait for it....less selfish. Also - don't steal money people. 'nuff said.
Criminal and public defender. This world needs kindness. Pray for those who have situations in the courts of law. I hope I never need an attorney for more than finalizing an adoption. I'm so glad there are attorneys, but the needs can be varied and often very sad.
With all that said, when a new client or potential client walks in, I have no idea what their needs are, what the individual situation is, or on which side of the argument they stand. Maybe they are the crazy one, maybe they are dealing with the crazy one. But each person is human. Even the guy who did something he shouldn't. They are all loved of God, or at least in the beginning. Let's not get into child abuse. Ick.
I had one guy come in who looked like the 7-years-in-federal-prison-tattoed-guy that he was. However, he is nice. He has always been polite and respectful towards us. He and his wife are trying to start again and build something better. I don't know what he was in jail for. It's none of my business. He wore the scars of his 30 short years on his face. Literally. (By the way -don't tattoo your face. Please?) He's been a good hard worker trying to provide since his release. One day when he came in I looked at him and thought "when he was born, his parents had no idea which way he'd go. They never would have hoped for such a life for their son." But things happen and plans go awry.
There are people whose burdens cannot be seen and some whose burdens are easily seen. Like the poor guy who filed bankruptcy and divorce in the same week, then sent in his brother, in the same situation. My heart goes out to them. What a rough hand they've been dealt. But God loves them. Thank goodness because at this point that may be all they have.
The bottom line here is don't judge a book by it's cover. Some names that have come across my desk I know or their relatives I know from outside of work and I had no idea they were even connected with a struggle. Sometimes they just need a smile. The brothers I referred to earlier? The first sent the second here because we were helpful and nice. Yay for that.
So you know that poster/meme/whatever going around that says everyone has a struggle we can't see? It's so true. Kindness won't solve the problem, but it will help those who are struggling to have that tiny bit of hope. And we need hope and love. Which is why I'm glad I work where I work. I hope through all this I'm learning better charity for God's children.
Thanks for listening.
2.08.2013
On spending a month alone
Don't do it. Tomorrow Daniel comes home after spending the last 4 weeks in China. It has been hard. The longer it's gone on, the harder it has gotten. Thank goodness for family and friends. I've had meals at each parents as well as my grandparents a couple of times. I've had friends help entertain me. Last Saturday I went with some good friends to go shopping, do a session in the Oquirrh Mountain temple, and dinner at Johnny Rocket's in Farmington. Very yummy, I may say. My back door neighbors even sent over some soup. (Thank you Craig & Melissa!)
You never know how much you depend on just having another person present, until that person is gone. I was only able to talk to Daniel once a day, at the end of my day, because of the time difference. This meant that by the time we talked I was worn out, tired, fed up, finished and exhausted. Making for a few whiny conversations on my part.
I've learned a few things about myself during the process. Some things I didn't want to learn. But don't we all have those kinds of lessens? Unfortunately the journeying isn't over yet. He'll have a few more trips to China before this is over. And even then he'll take regular maintenance trips once a quarter or so. Can I just say that, often, being a grown up sucks? Yup.
Another blogger, Kenna, wrote about being safe under her boulder. I must say, she put it well. I can sympathize. I've been hiding on my wingback chair in the TV room escaping into the world of Psych for the last month. I'm on episode 67 or something - in just a month. I think I have a crush on Shawn Spencer. Besides work, and the times I've come out to get fed, I have holed up in my house with my sometimes wonderful, sometimes obnoxious, dogs. I have retreated. But tomorrow I have to get up and come out and be a grown up.
Fortunately I'll have my wonderful, patient, hard working husband back to stand by my side while we battle the foes and challenges that come at us. I'll recharge and we'll be able to deal with the stuff that keeps getting in the way of our progressing to our goals.
I'm glad Daniel has a good job, but I'm also glad that we have been promised there will be no more 4 week trips. Hallelujah.
You never know how much you depend on just having another person present, until that person is gone. I was only able to talk to Daniel once a day, at the end of my day, because of the time difference. This meant that by the time we talked I was worn out, tired, fed up, finished and exhausted. Making for a few whiny conversations on my part.
I've learned a few things about myself during the process. Some things I didn't want to learn. But don't we all have those kinds of lessens? Unfortunately the journeying isn't over yet. He'll have a few more trips to China before this is over. And even then he'll take regular maintenance trips once a quarter or so. Can I just say that, often, being a grown up sucks? Yup.
Another blogger, Kenna, wrote about being safe under her boulder. I must say, she put it well. I can sympathize. I've been hiding on my wingback chair in the TV room escaping into the world of Psych for the last month. I'm on episode 67 or something - in just a month. I think I have a crush on Shawn Spencer. Besides work, and the times I've come out to get fed, I have holed up in my house with my sometimes wonderful, sometimes obnoxious, dogs. I have retreated. But tomorrow I have to get up and come out and be a grown up.
Fortunately I'll have my wonderful, patient, hard working husband back to stand by my side while we battle the foes and challenges that come at us. I'll recharge and we'll be able to deal with the stuff that keeps getting in the way of our progressing to our goals.
I'm glad Daniel has a good job, but I'm also glad that we have been promised there will be no more 4 week trips. Hallelujah.
1.31.2013
On Adoption
Many of you know, and if you don't, now you will, that Daniel and I can only grow our family through adoption.
We had to put our profile on hold while we were in China. It was hard to put that on hold, as it was something I wanted quite badly, but we knew it was right. We were able to have an amazing experience that would not have been possible with a small child.
But now we're home. And it's time to step it up. Daniel and I are in the process of updating our profile. We need just a few more things (fire hoops, miracles, and congressional acts) and it will be complete. So I am asking for you all to be on the lookout. In going through LDS Family Services, the odds are against us. They have 3 couples for every baby placed. The surest way for us to find our baby is to go looking for them. Good things come to those who wait but better things come to those who go actively looking.
Last week I saw this video on pinterest. It is an amazing story. Someone out there, reaching out and being compassionate and brave, is how Daniel and I are going to get our babies.
Chapel's Adoption Story | the feature from stillmotion on Vimeo.
Did you get goosebumps?
Please be on the lookout for us. And even if you don't send a baby right to us, maybe something that you say, some good deed that you do, some testimony you share will help that someone along their path anyway. It's all about good karma my friends.
We had to put our profile on hold while we were in China. It was hard to put that on hold, as it was something I wanted quite badly, but we knew it was right. We were able to have an amazing experience that would not have been possible with a small child.
But now we're home. And it's time to step it up. Daniel and I are in the process of updating our profile. We need just a few more things (fire hoops, miracles, and congressional acts) and it will be complete. So I am asking for you all to be on the lookout. In going through LDS Family Services, the odds are against us. They have 3 couples for every baby placed. The surest way for us to find our baby is to go looking for them. Good things come to those who wait but better things come to those who go actively looking.
Last week I saw this video on pinterest. It is an amazing story. Someone out there, reaching out and being compassionate and brave, is how Daniel and I are going to get our babies.
Chapel's Adoption Story | the feature from stillmotion on Vimeo.
Did you get goosebumps?
Please be on the lookout for us. And even if you don't send a baby right to us, maybe something that you say, some good deed that you do, some testimony you share will help that someone along their path anyway. It's all about good karma my friends.
1.06.2013
Christmas lights....
I love to go down to Temple Square and feel the cold and see the lights
and the nativities. This year
was no exception. Unfortunately not all
our friends could join us, but we had fun with our good friends the
Sniders. They have three ADORABLE kids that I just love to death. I got
to babysit them earlier in the week and we had a good time. Because it
was only 7 of us, we all piled into their van, which made parking
easier as there was a Jazz game and MoTab concert at the same time. The
kids did really well and I got to take pictures of those cute kids.
Daniel pushed Noah around the whole time and they were happy campers. It
was fun. I was able to take some pretty pictures. It was the next day
before I realized we missed the Windows at Macy's. I hope they do it
every year, because I won't be able to make it down again this year. The
girls loved the fountain at City Creek with the fire and water and
music. I love traditions!
1.04.2013
Bingo!!
Every year, for 49 years now, my Budge family has played Christmas Bingo. It is quite the party now. It started with my grandma and grandpa and their children at the time, three of them. This year we had 41 people and we were missing 7 from the family! Crazy. We're growing like mad. This year went really well and everyone had a great time. We had to split into two shifts for dinner. So much yummy food. We had bacon wrapped duck rolls, chili, clam chowder and all kinds of other yummy sides. We had brownies with marshmallows (my favorite!) and rice krispie treats. Too much food. But fun was had by all. This year we had three engaged couples and a couple more that are close. So much young love. It was fun to have all the new fiances come join us. Plus, my aunt and uncle have an exchange student here from Europe and he was able to join us. His birthday was the next day, so we brought some presents for him and sang happy birthday and had him blow out candles and everything. Next year makes 50 years. Should we do something to mark the occasion? What do you think? I think so.
My cute sister Caitlin and her cute boy Ben.
My grandparents like to have a picture of each of us with the santa hat.
Daniel in one of his new shirts.
My uncle pulling his "turtle soup" face. He's an artist and this was a face he pulled for one of his book characters. He's the artist for President Monson's book, The Christmas Train.
Laying out the prizes and setting forth the rules.
Eying the goods.
Daniel does the calling because of his booming voice and no-nonsense approach.
Concentrating on the spots called.
Caitlin won!
Ben's first bingo prize ever.
Tim got married on January 3 this year. He got tools as prep for becoming the man of the house.
Everyone minus the 7 who were missing. My cousin Ian and his wife Sara live in California and my cousin Jared and his wife April and their three kids live in Richmond, VA. We missed you guys! (Notice to two kissing in the back right? Yeah, that's my brother. He generally does something silly in pictures. We love his girlfriend Aubrey.)
So much fun!
Daniel in one of his new shirts.
So much fun!
1.01.2013
Hong Kong Disneyland!
We had a great time and then headed back to the hotel around 7 pm. We stopped and got Subway for dinner and ended up timing it exactly right to catch the shuttle back to the hotel. It was a great trip. Tuesday morning we headed back to Utah just in time for Thanksgiving and my family's Christmas Bingo party. Those will be the next few posts. I've just been busy, busy!!
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