On spending a month alone

Don't do it. Tomorrow Daniel comes home after spending the last 4 weeks in China. It has been hard. The longer it's gone on, the harder it has gotten. Thank goodness for family and friends. I've had meals at each parents as well as my grandparents a couple of times. I've had friends help entertain me. Last Saturday I went with some good friends to go shopping, do a session in the Oquirrh Mountain temple, and dinner at Johnny Rocket's in Farmington. Very yummy, I may say. My back door neighbors even sent over some soup. (Thank you Craig & Melissa!)

You never know how much you depend on just having another person present, until that person is gone. I was only able to talk to Daniel once a day, at the end of my day, because of the time difference. This meant that by the time we talked I was worn out, tired, fed up, finished and exhausted. Making for a few whiny conversations on my part.

I've learned a few things about myself during the process. Some things I didn't want to learn. But don't we all have those kinds of lessens? Unfortunately the journeying isn't over yet. He'll have a few more trips to China before this is over. And even then he'll take regular maintenance trips once a quarter or so. Can I just say that, often, being a grown up sucks? Yup.

Another blogger, Kenna, wrote about being safe under her boulder. I must say, she put it well. I can sympathize. I've been hiding on my wingback chair in the TV room escaping into the world of Psych for the last month. I'm on episode 67 or something - in just a month. I think I have a crush on Shawn Spencer. Besides work, and the times I've come out to get fed, I have holed up in my house with my sometimes wonderful, sometimes obnoxious, dogs. I have retreated. But tomorrow I have to get up and come out and be a grown up.

Fortunately I'll have my wonderful, patient, hard working husband back to stand by my side while we battle the foes and challenges that come at us. I'll recharge and we'll be able to deal with the stuff that keeps getting in the way of our progressing to our goals.

I'm glad Daniel has a good job, but I'm also glad that we have been promised there will be no more 4 week trips. Hallelujah.

Expounding upon propagation...

I'll get back to our Hong Kong trip next post.

In the last week I have had three people approach me, share with  me, or message me about missionaries getting calls to China accompanied with a note that says "Please call Pres. Monson." Take a moment and think about it. If the prophet wanted to talk to you, wouldn't they just call you? His number isn't given out.

After hearing this rumor three times, I called down to the Church Office Building and talked with the Missionary Department. I asked them about the China thing and she said it was false and would I do my part  to quiet those rumors with the people I come in contact with. She also told me that this kind of thing could potentially be damaging to the Church's current relationship with China. We have the liberties that do in China because of the positive working relationship and the adherence to the rules by the members of the church in China. There were many times I wanted to break the rules, but never did because we have to be above the idea of "but I won't get caught" or "no-one will know." We have to be unimpeachable.

This incident brought to my mind similar things or potential situations. I have the "friend," we'll call her Janet. In high school Janet's friend, we'll call her Molly, asked a guy to a dance. We'll call him Johnny. One day in a class Janet heard Johnny's cousin say "he just doesn't want to go because of the upcoming game and he needs his rest." Well, Janet thought she was taking about Johnny. So Janet told Molly that Johnny didn't want to go. Molly then decided to ask another guy, We'll call him Charlie. The next day both Charlie and Johnny answered Molly and said yes. Now Molly was stuck with two dates. Oops. Maybe Janet should have checked her facts. The situation was resolved and they had another friend with a guest in town and Charlie went with the out of town visitor. But let's just say awkward? Check your facts Janet.

It's also like me being the first to find out my friend is pregnant. Then I get on facebook and tell everyone. Not my firsthand info the share. I would have just harmed the relationship with my best friend and potentially other friendships of hers.

So whether something is true or not, if it's not your first hand knowledge, it's not yours to share. Janet learned that lesson in a very awkward way. We may hear it first hand, but as soon as we share, it's not first hand information anymore.

We as members of the Church enjoy sharing good news and sometimes we get a little carried away. I myself have been guilty of this, I'm sure. If the Church were to benefit from such a wonderful opportunity, they would surely announce it and not be clandestine about it.

I love China. I would desperately love for my dear friends there to be able to hear the gospel preached in their land in their own tongue. But we are years away from that still. The Communist party is still the same. Their ideals and goals for their people are still the same.

Daniel described it as an older brother looking after the hot teenager sister. He is very protective until he is sure that things won't harm her. Right now the relationship with China is good. We have their trust. But we have to keep it and keep earning it. They know we do good. But they have to be sure it's good for their people, not just good in general. So there are small allowances. We can share with Chinese nationals outside of China. Chinese national members can share with with their family - parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins. This is a fairly recent development (2 years, I think. Don't quote me on it though.) Things will change little by little according to the Lord's plan. Let's have faith in his timing and in his hand.

The Lord will not lead us astray or do something that people aren't prepared for. He knows what he's doing. I always tell myself, he hasn't messed up yet, so why would he now? We know how fair he is and that everyone will get a chance to hear the gospel, whether in this life or the next. Maybe someone alive today will get to be part of that amazing opportunity of sharing the gospel openly in China. Until then, let's enjoy the amazing opportunities that are ours today and share the gospel wherever else we can.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Hmm... oranges.

Mandarin Oranges are in season right now. They are wonderful. True Mandarin Oranges cannot be matched by any other kind.

I bought 10 or so of these beauties for about $1.50. They have been my breakfast, part of my lunch and my snack all this week.

And the Chinese are smart. Part of the reason they are so good, is that they continue to ripen on the stem that comes off the tree with them. Yes, they are ripe when they have this mottled yellow/green color. I'm drooling. I'm going to eat another one right now.

Yummy. I will miss the fruit when I am in Utah. Thank goodness Costco can help.

Chinese Fire Drills

The other day on the way home from the factory we were talking about weird things we did in mutual. In my ward, one of our favorites was the Chinese Fire Drill on the nights we had sports.

For those of you who don't know what this is: Our leader who was driving would get somewhere they needed to stop (never a busy road!), mostly on the back roads dropping girls off, and would say "Chinese Fire Drill" and we would all get out of the car, run around it, and pile back in. It was more fun when it was icy out and we had to be careful about running around the car.

Well this came up and we decided to look into. Read the full thing here on wikipedia.

Short version: it originally was used to describe a chaotic situation.
It originated in the Navy. But the best part was this little tidbit:


"It is alleged to have originated when a ship staffed by British officers and a Chinese crew practiced a fire drill in the engine room. The bucket brigade drew water from the starboard side, took it to the engine room, and threw it onto the fire. A separate crew hauled the accumulated water to the main deck and heaved the water over the port side. The drill went according to plan until the orders became confused in translation. The bucket brigade began to draw the water from the starboard side, run over to the port side and then throw the water overboard, bypassing the engine room completely.^[10]"

Awesome, right?

Having lived in China for 17 months now, I hope I don't ever have to be in a real Chinese Fire Drill. They aren't very good at moving as a crowd. You know that Black Friday death statistic? It would be tons worse here. You could get trampled to death here - without a sale at Wal-mart. 

Something I have found very entertaining.

Shortly after Daniel and I got married, he started following a web comic called xkcd. It's put together by a very intelligent man, who I believe used to work for NASA.

Most of his comics are based on social commentary or geek jokes. I started following a few years ago too. It's pretty entertaining. The best parts are the mouse overs. If you hold your mouse over the comic, a punch line or further information shows up.

I have to warn you, it is really geeky.

But the next best part is that this same man has taken on a new blog. It's called What If? And is it awesome. It's new, so there have only been a few questions answered, but they are awesome. It's the actual physics behind things like - throwing a baseball at 90% the speed of light, what if the entire world's population were gathered together and jumped at the same time, and my favorite, is the glass half full or half empty? Depends on which half. Awesome.

It's worth a look. I highly enjoy it.

That's all for now.

New look...

So I messed around with the blog and came up with this. What do you think? There's only so much I can rearrange and redo right now. So I put my energy into my blog. I like it.

Funeral Advice

I was given may compliments on my talk at my dad's funeral. My mom had the strong impression that at my dad's funeral we needed to cover the various aspects of his life. I talked about family, my uncle, his brother--in-law spoke about friendships and his hobbies, his boss at work talked about his professional life, and a good friend from church talked about his spirituality. We had many compliments on the funeral. There were a few things that we did that I would recommend to others and some plain old advice I would give to everyone.

What we did: At the viewings we had stationary and pens that we put with clipboards. We put my very effective Aunt P in charge and worked the lines. We had people share stories and memories of my dad. As a result we have well over 100 stories and memories from people my dad knew. We had no idea what an impact my dad had on people or how many people, and this helped us realize it. I don't think anyone truly knows how much influence they have on others. This way we were able to catch of glimpse of that.

In February we were informed that an anonymous person had started an endowed scholarship in my dad's name at the University of Utah for the Parks, Recreation, and Tourism Department. In the obituary we requested that in lieu of flowers, that donations be sent. As of last week over $2,000 had been donated. Now all of that money is doing good, instead of dead flowers in the garbage. I recommend that whatever it is, do something that is in lieu of flowers. We still received over 15 floral arrangements and plants, plenty. Have people do something good and worthwhile with their sympathies. I know my dad would have chosen the same.

We had a friend of my from high school come and photograph the graveside. We don't have the pictures back yet, but we could all focus on the experience knowing someone else was capturing it for us.

Sound advice: For your upcoming anniversary do the helpful, but not romantic by any means, thing, and get your selves funeral plots. We had 20 minutes to pick a funeral plot. We are happy with what we chose, but it was an extra cost that can be dealt with before the fact. My mom bought 8 more for her birthday. It's just one more thing to ease the burden after a loved one passes.

Funerals are very expensive. Make sure you have life insurance. Get it now while you are young and healthy. You never know when or how. Make sure you leave something behind to ease the burden. Fortunately my dad had good life insurance and a fantastic retirement plan. My mom will be okay. But can you imagine what it would be like without that buffer?

Life throws curve balls. Plan ahead for the inevitable and do what you can to ease the loved ones you leave behind.

That's my soapbox finished.

Some of our latest adventures

Have included:
Ducks in the hallway over Chinese New Years. Because doesn't everybody have ducks in the stairway?

Some New Year's decorations:

Boiling water to wash dishes because the kitchen tap doesn't have hot water. Having fun yet?

 I am.

 Creepy inflated things at the mall.

 Who like to hold your arm. Super creepy.

We've also done some structured specific fun things that I will blog about soon.

Because China

Daniel likes to spend time trolling a website called Reddit. Lots of interesting things. One day he found this article about China. We laughed so hard, because it's so true. So True. Enjoy.

From now on my answer will be: Because China.
I've just pasted it here.

Here you go:

"Because China" is the only way to put it.

Last week I was in an elevator at 3pm with some nice people, patiently going downwards, stopping at every other floor for no reason because when most people in Guiyang want to call an elevator they hit both up and down regardless of which way they want to go (because China). Then the elevator suddenly dropped a foot or so (felt like way farther, but couldn't have been more than that), then shot to the 26th floor, then shot down to floor 1. We exited, confused and frightened, and a nice repairman explained that he assumed it was empty and was just about to do some repairs. Why would he assume that? Because China.

I went to a Pizza Hut with some friends a few days ago. (The Pizza Hut in Guiyang is one of the nicest restaurants in the city, partially because Chinese Pizza Huts are really nice places, and partially because Guiyang is a wasteland, which I say in an endearing way.) We ask if we can get a large pizza that's half one thing and half another. Nope, they don't do that. Okay, sure. We ordered a large pizza. Nope, they're out of large pizzas. Okay, that actually doesn't make any sense, but sure, we'll take a medium vegetable garden and a medium pepperoni, and a pitcher of pepsi. We can't give you a pizza with only pepperoni on it. Bullshit, yes, you can. Nope. Okay, whatever, not in the mood, give me the meat pizza. We get a small cup of pepsi and a medium pizza, half of which is vegetable garden and half of which is meat. I check the receipt. The receipt reflects what we ordered, both in English and Chinese. The waitress is at a loss to explain the theoretically impossible and utterly incorrect pizza. Why did they serve us that? Because China. (The previous time we went, we were served seven identical pizzas, having ordered three and paid for three, again because China.)

In the last month, I have been asked by different cab drivers, (1) how much whores are in America, (2) whether military service is compulsory in America, (3) if my parents are upset that I am 26 and unmarried, and (4) {edited out for content issue} But why do they think these are good questions to ask a guy who is trying to get to work? Because China.

A couple weeks ago, in the middle of the road I saw a twenty-five-foot-or-so ladder, being held upright by two men. It was unsupported by anything else. At the top was another man, working on a power line, with nothing to brace him, bolster him, or hold him but the ladder being held by two dudes. Cars were swerving all around them. Nobody found this exceptional. (Daniel once saw something similar to this - a ladder in the middle of the road leaning against a wire for some odd reason) Because, again, China.

It's not a land in which the foreigner suffers. It is not a hostile land or a wild land. It is, rather, a land of pointless minor absurdities and wholly unnecessary inconveniences, which coalesce to infuriate the ill-tempered and delight the rest. When I first arrived, I was informed by a nice older gentleman, "FIRSTNAME, do not ever ask 'why' here. You can ask yourself any other question, and the answers will enlighten you. But do not ask 'why,' because here, there is no 'why.'" And he was right. The answer--the only answer--to "why" is "because China."


So there you go. Because China. My life.

Girls Treat

Given that this fall was hard for us, some of my dad's co-workers and office staff gave the girls a gift certificate to Mindful Women's Day Spa. We treated ourselves to a pedicure. They have three chairs so we were all able to go at once. We didn't take a picture while we were there, but we did take some pictures of the end result.

 Mine are the black/charcoal ones to the right.

 My sister got red, I got a sparkly charcoal, and my mom got a deep burgundy color. It was fun and we all enjoyed it.

My, my, my.

I have sooooo much to catch up on. Sorry followers, I didn't blog while I was at home. For the most part, it wasn't exciting in a way that would entertain any of you. Even me. But it was very good for me. I spend a ton of time with family and my closest friend and I feel rejuvenated. It was good for my soul. Now back to Asia. So many things today (our first day back in Xiamen) made us laugh to ourselves as we said "ha, welcome back." I'm now in that hard part where it's home, but not home. I feel comfortable here, I have friends here and a life here, but it's not my first home and it will all come to an end this year.

But before that end comes, we have many more adventures in store. We have some travel plans for this year and some ideas for some other travel. I won't tell, because I don't want to eat my words, but this year will hopefully be a good one.

I'm not going to make any public resolutions on here, like blog more, loose weight, etc. But I will say, I am starting this new year with a bright out look and hope in my heart. Life is good. God is the granter of tender mercies and I can see his blessings in my life. That's all I need. Now, if I just keep my head up and remember that from day to day, I will do well.

Here's to 2012 my friends, may it treat us all kindly! As apparently the Mayans say it will be our last! Make it the best yet my friends!!

The turtle

It's wuguei (oogway) in Chinese. We named him Harold. And he's very scared of people. But mostly me. He scurries away pretty fiercely when he sees me in the room. He also likes hot dogs. Chinese hotdogs to be precise. And yes, they are a little different.

Saturday and Sunday we are going to a company retreat a.k.a. "Communist boot camp" or "Relationship Camp" if you choose. Whatever it's called, I will be sleeping in a tent and without an air conditioner. Expect some really fun updates next week. Yay. Until then, send me your questions.

ashleyallen15 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Our subconcious desire to take care of something

After our island adventure we went to Indiano Johns for dinner. It's a great Indian restaurant. It was pretty tasty. We went to the SM mall and then we headed home. We walked the night market a little, something we've never done before and at the second booth we found this:

We're still considering his name. He is a painted turtle. We don't know what we will do with him when it is time to come home. We have yet to get him better accommodations.  We've been reading about him we are getting geared up to take good care of him. He has some pretty cool patterns and striations.

Right now he's mostly a combination of angry and scared of me. He'll get adjusted. What do you think?

I miss my drugs.....1st attempt

No pepto bismol here. This is the alternative.

 You swallow them with water. The problem is they float. It takes some effort to swallow them all.

It isn't as effective. I'm having pepto shipped over to me.

A couple random things...

This is the new fashion in pants over here. I have even seen laiwai's (Chinese word for "Westerner") wearing them. They look ridiculous.

The waist is at his waist, but the crotch is still between his knees. Stupid.


This is a painting I bought at Mong Kok.

The one on the wall that I wanted was the couple walking, not kissing. She rolled this up before I could check it. I should have checked it. I like, but it's not what I wanted. It's 68 cm x 99 cm (27 in x 40 in). It's a genuine oil painting on canvas.I think I'm going to get the other one next time we are in Hong Kong. There are couple I want.

Lurkers....

I know you're there. See if you look down, down, yes just a little further, over ---> there? See it? It tells me you've been here. Who are you? I want to know. You sound interesting being from __(insert current town here)__. I would love to hear from you. How did you find me? What intrigues you? Are you a regular or a visitor? What do you think of my Adopt a Onesie program? I like it. Let me know. I'm giving you cyber candy bars for telling me. I like to make new friends and apparently I have some that I did not know about.

In the mean time... Limbo

No, not the limbo, but Limbo -the middle time Catholics believe you spend your time in before judgment. Now you just learned something. We are in a big "in the mean time..." right now. At least I am.

Do you ever feel like your hands are tied? I do.

Conundrum: If I get a job, then we'll get a baby and I will need to stay home. If I try to further my education - we'll get a baby and I won't get anywhere. But we don't have a baby. But I am afraid to start anything for fear of being interrupted. So in the mean time I am trying to come up with inexpensive entertaining things and projects.

I have been cross-stitching a panel for a baby boy's room.

I went to the Zoo with my friend and her kids. Like my surrogate children. Love them.

Power-washed the house.

Reading.

Planning painting projects.

Anyone have other ideas that don't cost much, or any, money? Or that doesn't involve making treats I can't consume on my own. I am not allowed to gain weight. No really. Things are bad.

To follow: pictures of some of the things I've done this summer.

Booyah!

I love to win. Here's to hoping.

Go to the Vintage Pearl and enter to win! Such beautiful stuff, so classy!

Some random funny things....

My husband sent me this list - "Skippy's List" I find some of these things very entertaining - maybe I am just a little off today, but here are some good ones.

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

A quick note:
I don’t mind if you want to quote a few items from my list of your site. But please do not copy the list in it’s entirety.

Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

To explain how I’ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly….. I’m funny, so they let me live.

2. My proper military title is “Specialist Schwarz” not “Princess Anastasia”.

29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE” bombs.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.

165. I do not get “that time of month”.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.

195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

This is just some of the better ones. There are plenty of other funny ones. Check them out.

I laughed through most of the list.

Please excuse me....

While I spend a few days in the wilderness. I really enjoy the back country and I will be spending my time there until Monday afternoon. I will return renewed and ready to blog again. That is the goal. I'll bring pictures, I promise.This is where we are going. Me, Dad, Taylor and Caitlin. "Us little chickens" as he calls us. It will be a fun time with fishing, reading, and star gazing. And a few miles along the way!